Smallville: The Final Episode
Two Stars (out of five)
2011. Released by Warner Brothers. Running time 85 minutes. Not Rated. This was reviewed on Amazon Prime on May 27, 2014.

In case of emergency, break glass. I was in the middle of enjoying a free month of Amazon Prime, when I saw a section on the menu that read: Your Downloads. I didn’t recall downloading anything (like Netflix, Amazon Prime is a streaming service) but when I saw that I had the final episode of Smallville lined up to play, I remembered that I did buy this two-part episode from Amazon back in 2011...and promptly forgot about it until now. Smallville was the TV series that dealt with Clark Kent (Tom Welling), aka Superman, as he comes of age in his home town of Smallville, Kansas. We never actually saw him become the Man Of Steel--until this very last show, which was why I had originally purchased it, being the wacky geek that I am.

Here's looking at you, kiddo! And so I finally sat back and watched the very last episode of Smallville, which is actually two episodes cut together. Bear in mind that I was only a casual viewer of Smallville at best; the last full season I had seen was the fifth, and the only reason I really watched it at all was because I had a mad crush on Allison Mack, who plays Chloe Sullivan, and when I heard she left the series for good, so did I. Thankfully, the Mack is back in these final two shows, but her divine presence alone isn’t enough to improve this last hurrah from being the snooze fest that it is.

I'd rather marry Iron Man, because he's richer. Big things are happening in Smallville--like the fact that everybody’s now living in Metropolis (shouldn’t they change the name of the show?) and the world is coming to an end, thanks to a doomsday cult that worships the dark lord Darksied, who’s coming to crush Earth and kick puppies, and that sort of thing. But wait, Clark and Lois are getting married, only Lois (the very good Erica Durance) doesn’t want to because she doesn’t feel really deserving to be married to the Man Of Steel, although, with a nickname like that, I would imagine the sex might be fantastic (or maybe that’s what she’s afraid of). And so she and Clark talk, and talk, and talk…and then talk some more.

Don't worry, it'll be all over before you know it...sort of like your life.... That's the main problem I had with this: too much talk, not enough action. There’s a far more interesting subplot about Lex Luthor’s father Lionel (the always good John Glover) trying to take the heart of his daughter Tess (Cassidy Freeman) to give to his dead son Lex (Michael Rosenbaum), but the problem is that Tess still needs her heart, thank you very much. The sub plot had more action, intrigue and fun than the main story, which is just tossed away by having the climax take place off screen. When Welling's Clark finally takes to the skies in the familiar suit, he's shown offscreen, or at a distance. One wonders if the Smallville producers were ashamed of the Superman concept all along. Meh. It’s a typically so-so ending for a series that was so-so overall. --SF

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